Do I stand a chance with my boyfriend??

Hello, I am 52 years old and my boyfriend is 57. We have both been through the turbulence of past relationships but he just ended a 10 year relationship last August and I pretty much the same.
We met and have an incredible connection/ we are like soul-mates not to mention our support to each other for a past relationship gone wrong.
We love each other very much but he cannot get his past "woman" out of his mind. He says he can't help it/ she is on his mind every day.
She was his best friend and he loved her very much yet she was on Prescription drugs, an alcoholic and she would insult and belittle him.
On the flipside...he cheated on her 22 times.He says he does not want to get back together with her yet he cannot get her out of his mind.
I told him either forget her or try to get back together/ whatever the case...just make it happen. I believe we could have a good future together but is he still wanting to be with her?
She keeps calling him every 2 weeks without leaving a message and he has finally blocked her no.
What can I expect? and what can I do?
So far, I have been very understanding and supportive.
Thank-you, Sandra

My Advice:

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your question. Your boyfriend sounds like he is addicted to drama and dysfunction. Maybe he was exposed to unhealthy relationships as a child and adopted a belief system around relationships that is not healthy.

Whatever the reason is he is not focused on moving forward and creating a future with you. He's not even present with you if he's thinking about her every day.

Instead of asking if you have a chance with your boyfriend I would flip the question to:

"Does my boyfriend really have a chance with me?"

You sound like a very caring and patient woman who deserves more. And your boyfriend has proven through his actions and his words that he is not available to give you the relationship that you deserve.

So the real question here is...does he deserve you? I'm sure you already know the answer to this question. And you need to find the confidence to take better care of yourself.

Here's some advice that I wrote to another woman recently and I hope it helps you understand what's going on with your ex...

When a man remains in contact with an ex he is keeping the door open "just in case". When a man is truly committed to his present relationship he will close all open doors on his own. He doesn't need to be asked or told to do it. He simply does it out of respect for the woman that he is presently with.

A man will keep the door open with his ex for as long as he can if he is not sure about his present relationship for whatever reason. He could be insecure and feel that he doesn't deserve the woman that he is with. He also might not be sure how he feels about the woman that he is in a relationship with.

The ex gives him the reassurance that he needs. She cared for him or even loved him once, and that gives him confidence.

It's up to the ex to close the door on her end if she knows that her former boyfriend or husband is in a relationship with someone else.

She, the ex, must decide not to allow herself to be treated as someone's back up plan.

When a woman has enough respect for herself she won't allow her ex to keep the door open. She will shut it tightly and move on to someone else who actually deserves her.

I hope this helps.


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