Married men in contact with exes

by Melanie
(Los Angeles)

Why is it that so many men (married or otherwise) refuse to let go of ex girlfriends and want to remain "in contact' via email or texts. Though they claim they don't want involvement with her, they don't want to cut off contact.

Is the ex simply a backup plan if the marriage or relationship fails or is it more complicated than that? I honestly don't get it.

I have had this experience on both sides of the equation and know many other women who have experienced this as well.

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Aug 22, 2014
Re: Married men in contact with exes
by: Desiree

Hi Melanie,

Great question. It seems like you already know the answer and you just need to trust yourself.

When a man remains in contact with an ex he is keeping the door open "just in case". When a man is truly committed to his present relationship he will close all open doors on his own. He doesn't need to be asked or told to do it. He simply does it out of respect for the woman that he is presently with.

A man will keep the door open with his ex for as long as he can if he is not sure about his present relationship for whatever reason. He could be insecure and feel that he doesn't deserve the woman that he is with. He also might not be sure how he feels about the woman that he is in a relationship with.

The ex gives him the reassurance that he needs. She cared for him or even loved him once, and that gives him confidence.

It's up to the ex to close the door on her end if she knows that her former boyfriend or husband is in a relationship with someone else.

She, the ex, must decide not to allow herself to be treated as someone's back up plan.

When a woman has enough respect for herself she won't allow her ex to keep the door open. She will shut it tightly and move on to someone else who actually deserves her.

I hope this helps.


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